Yesterday another tire on the Taxi popped, and given how uncommon my tire is I, AGAIN, must sit in my apartment feeling completely useless while I wait on it to be ordered and installed in a couple of days. Meanwhile, my creditors are still calling me demanding payment on credit cards and legal bills, my college dreams evaporated once again, my teeth hurt, I'm Bi-Polar, and I am pretty sure about 70% of you hate me. Fine. That's fair. I deserve it, que the song 'Radiohead - Creep'.

But here you are, gleefully reading my woes, my typed out misery and cackle with your AIM buddies about how I am an awful person, who's contributions to anything are overshadowed by how screwed up I am. Let's ignore the real sickos that are no longer here, because hurr... despite evidence to the contrary they did nothing wrong. Yendor is the real boogieman! Yendor should not be allowed on TV! etc!

I am trying to change. That's why I am still here is because someone(s) recognize I am a hurt and lost adult, and I genuinely feel bad when I hurt others and say "I'm sorry". Its going to be a slow slog through the swamp of redemption, filled with snakes and lizard people having freaky sex and shit. I will emerge better. The horrors will remain, but so will I.

But enough griping, I am typing this post today because since I am not working, I can't afford a cup of coffee.

Yep, I woke up this morning, craving a cup of delicious, drip brewed coffee. But sadly, in my new apartment we lack a coffee maker, and in my 'I am on the verge of bankruptcy emergency money management budget' there is no room for it. No matter how much I want to leave my apartment and go to the cafe and get a cup, there is this annoying little voice in my head that only schizophrenics should be able to here dissuades me from getting one:

Yendor: "Oh c'mon, its just one cup of coffee!"

Voice-in-my-head: "But do you deserve it?"

Yendor: "...No. Guess I'll stay home."

Voice-in-my-head: "Yes... suffer, Yendor! Ahahahaha!"

Yendor: *Groans...*

Voice-in-my-head: "No Groaning Yendor! Thats not very positive of you!"

Yendor: *Cries with positive tears*

So... yeah. That's what I wanted to write about and... boy. I feel a bit better. Leave nasty remarks about me in the comments to bring down my self-esteem, thanks!